It’s been three years since I last went on a plane or took a nice road trip, two years since I wrote my last essay for school, and almost five months since I last updated this blog.
It’s not a secret that having kids quickly changes your life. Despite being 19 months into motherhood, I can’t help but miss my previous life. I miss travelling, spending money on myself, and having all the time in the world to work on my passion projects. From time to time, I get envious when I see others travelling or going to events on a whim.
I’m grateful that I accomplished a lot before Theo came – I travelled to new countries, completed a working holiday program, finished school, progressed in my career, and earned my professional HR designation.
But, sometimes, I can’t help but feel as though my life is on “hold”. I know the logical question is… “Well, why didn’t you do all that before having a kid?”, and I think that’s a very stupid question to ask. Planned or not, there’s no way I can “do all that” before having a kid, especially when “that” is an interest that develops after the kid is born.
Is it selfish to feel this way?
I don’t think it’s inherently bad to grieve your previous life – it’s not something I dwell on often, but specific things can trigger that thought process. Now that I have Theo in my life, I wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world.
As a new mom, I’m still learning and reminding myself that my priorities have shifted tremendously, and that’s okay. Just because you have a child doesn’t mean you get to lose a part of yourself, either.
I’ve been working on reminding myself that all the things I want to do will happen. Just not right now. And when I do it, it’ll be bigger since I will get to share all these new adventures with Theo.
Here are a few things that I feel like I’ve put on “hold” since my priorities have shifted:
Eleventh Avenue
My little blog and pseudo-business took a hit, and that’s okay. In fact, I like that I can take a 5-month hiatus and not be hounded like I was back when I was running my old lifestyle blog. I still take on some work from time to time, but this has taken a hit. I only just feel refreshed, inspired, and energized to get back into blogging. In the meantime, when I’m not working on my blog, I find that posting Instagram reels of my outfits keeps me busy.
Travelling
I miss hopping on a plane and seeing a new city, but unfortunately, Dan and I are still too nervous to take Theo on a plane, nor do we have the familial support to help care for a baby in a foreign city. Instead, we’re going to focus on little local trips until we feel Theo is ready to be on a plane. Until then, we’re saving money to put towards our first international trip as a family. I’ve shared my travels with Dan, but I can’t wait to discover new cultures and cities with Theo.
Completing a Master’s Degree
My new job humbles me. If I gathered all the staff into one room, I would say 95% of them have a Master’s degree, which has led to several conversations about pursuing a Master’s degree. It’s not a new concept; I’ve been accepted to two Master’s programs in the past and deferred enrollment until they rescinded their offer, so subconsciously, I’ve wanted to pursue a postgraduate degree for some time now.
It’s not so much the financial commitment of going back to school, but it’s more so the scariness of balancing full-time work, family, my little business, and school. I’ve already shown I could barely run my blog anymore, so something would have to give if I decide to go back to school part-time. But, if I postpone it, I think it’d be very fun to have Theo at my graduation, and teach him what hard work looks like.
Shows and Events
The other day, we went to see Cirque du Soleil on ice, and it was a nice date night. We completely forgot we had tickets for it and were very grateful that my Dad was willing to step in to watch Theo for the evening. Since Theo was born, we couldn’t spontaneously go check out a show or event like we used to. All I can do is be patient and know that bringing Theo to a show will bring the biggest smile to his face when he’s older.
Everyone’s parenting style is different. There are many amazing parents out there who show you can do it all – motherhood, travels, business, and events. But that’s not what I want to strive for. I don’t want to spread myself thin, and that’s okay.
So while it sometimes feels like parts of my life are on pause, I know I’m pressing pause for the right reasons. These dreams and passions haven’t disappeared – they’re just waiting for the right time. And when the time does come, I know they’ll feel even more meaningful because I’ll get to experience them with my family by my side. For now, I’m learning to honour this slower chapter, knowing that the life I’m building today will make those future moments all the more special.
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