How I Knew When to Quit My Toxic Job

Nearly 8 years ago, I quit a job without a backup plan – this isn’t the first time I did it. The first time I quit a job without another lined up was back in my first year of university, which in hindsight, wasn’t that big of a deal since I didn’t have bills or rent to pay. However, this time, I was paying rent, in addition to student loans, credit cards, and bills. I essentially entered the “real world”.

In this job, I was an “office manager” for about a month. Notice the quotation marks around the office manager? Long story short, it was essentially a receptionist’s job that was not disclosed during the interview or on the job posting.

When I signed the agreement and arrived on my first day of work, the current receptionist was training me. I figured – as an office manager, I would have to provide some backup to the receptionist and cover her breaks or vacations.

It didn’t take too long to dawn on me that my “office manager” position was essentially a glorified receptionist. I didn’t know how I felt about this after coming from another receptionist job at a local gym. I was tired of being “trapped” behind a desk and trying to please people so being in another receptionist role gave me doubts.

However, as the weeks progressed, I was getting more unhappy. I felt lonely at my new gig, and it’s not because I was alone, but none of my colleagues stopped to chat with me, not even small talk. Most of them treated me like their personal assistant. I rarely got any meaningful feedback or a genuine ‘thank you’. In one instant, a senior engineer waited by my desk to teach me how to order his daily lunch by phone. I was not assigned to be a personal assistant to any employee, so I was extremely taken aback that this individual could not even order his lunch. It would’ve been quicker for him to order his lunch than to wait around to teach me how.

To add to my loneliness, one day, there was a birthday. I was asked to make a PA announcement for everyone to head over to the kitchen for some cake… and guess what? Everyone went, but me. I wasn’t invited and nobody noticed I wasn’t there to join the party. When the singing was over and everyone got a piece of cake, one of the girls came up behind me and asked if I wanted some cake. No! I was in such an awkward and shitty position to sit there and watch the birthday celebration occur without being invited. I wasn’t allowed out of my desk, in case anyone calls or comes through the elevators (which didn’t happen too much). It hurts, even more, when not one employee noticed I was still at my desk and invited me over.

Similarly, there was a day when the President decided to cater lunch. As the food was laid out in the kitchen, everyone was lining up and grabbing their food. I wasn’t invited until everyone got their meals and I essentially was picking out the leftover scraps out of the containers. Since I was the last one to enter the kitchen and grab a plate of food, everyone else was done eating so once again, I was left alone.

When I wasn’t feeling lonely and left out, I also felt that I was being singled out. On a few occasions, the receptionist training me wore extremely unprofessional outfits to work – a crop-top hoodie with holes and leggings with a lot of piling. One day, I decided to wear a simple, fitting black hoodie. After lunch, my supervisor came up to me and said, “Claire, [President] wanted me to tell you something. He wasn’t too happy with you wearing a hoodie because it’s very, you know… unprofessional and too casual.” I apologized and nodded, noting not to wear a hoodie anymore, even though I looked more professional than the previous receptionist.

In another incident, the previous receptionist was 15 minutes late, and no one cared. I was 5 minutes late because of my bus, and one of the senior supervisors stood by my desk and waited for me to come in to yell at me. 

However, the one incident that drove me up the wall was when my supervisor told me that from now on, I have to check in with her whenever I go to use the bathroom… which was literally in front of my desk. It was a 10-second walk, and it wasn’t like I was in the bathroom texting. I was probably in and out within a minute or so.

That was the cherry on top. On top of being lonely and made to feel like a servant, I also felt unfairly singled out and babysat. This was officially worse than the gym – and I would happily take a pay cut and go back to the gym.

I was so unhappy, and this job was making me feel depressed. I was unhappy at work and lived for the weekends. When Sunday evening rolled around, I was already dreading the work week and seeing everyone there. The feeling of being treated like shit and loneliness piled on me every Sunday evening until Friday after work. One time, I took a day off on a Wednesday and I felt so free – that one-day break from all those negative emotions made me so happy. I welcomed that free day with open arms and like always, dreaded going back to work.

In the mornings, it was hard to get out of bed and go to work. All I wanted was to snooze my alarm, call in sick or not even show up. But, I needed the paychecks to pay rent and pay bills. I thought as a grown adult – I shouldn’t complain about my job when I was earning decent money and working 9-5 in a trendy neighbourhood.

Eventually, as much as I tried to push past the negativity and try to psych myself up every morning, one day, I cracked. I woke up and looked at the clock. I knew I was going to be late if I didn’t get ready now. Instead, I looked at the clock and continued to look at the clock. I had no motivation to go to work. I dreaded it so much I wanted to cry. I snoozed and eventually turned off my phone and went back to sleep.

I woke up and continued to keep my phone off for the rest of the day. When the workday was over, I turned it back on. My mum left me a message saying my work called her and asked where I was. Dan told me that he got a call from my supervisor. I felt so ashamed that I didn’t tell them that I pulled a no-show. I told my mom not to worry about it, and when Dan came home, I told him how I felt about the company and my job, and he supported me in quitting.

I left my phone off for about a week and didn’t bother playing any of the voicemails they left me. Yes, I no-showed this job and didn’t officially quit and I didn’t feel guilty about it. I felt so much anger at how they treated me, I felt like they deserved to stress and scramble to find someone. I felt no remorse for leaving the job the way that I did.

I knew I couldn’t continue at this job any longer when the idea of going to work made me want to cry and stay in bed. Sure, work is work, but it shouldn’t make you feel as bad as making you cry and feel like shit. 

I get that we all have bad days at work and can sometimes dread coming to work, but I think it’s mentally and physically unhealthy to dread to the point where it upsets you to tears. This wasn’t your “the weekend is coming to an end” dread – this was more like, “I have to endure another week of being mistreated” dread. I essentially felt bullied at this workplace.

---

I got lucky and shortly after, I landed an interview with another employer and accepted the offer. It also aligned with my career goals. I was in a much happier work environment where I was respected and liked. I hung out with my colleagues outside of work and threw banters around. I’m not stuck behind my desk, nor have strict bathroom rules. I can have my lunch wherever and whenever I want and leave the office whenever I want as well. I’ve never felt left out or singled out by any employees there.

When we thought about moving to Australia, I remember telling Dan the idea of quitting that job made me upset. That’s how much I genuinely enjoy working at that company! I never once felt the Sunday evening/Monday morning “dread” or thought about lying to call in sick.

8 years later, and as a human resources professional, I would never condone “quitting” a job the way I did. With more experience behind me, I now recognize what I need in a job to thrive, regardless of money. Some would put up with a lot of toxicity for the high pay and I respect that. However, spending 8 hours a day in a building surrounded by my colleagues, I need my job to meet my criteria to stay long-term, even if it means taking a pay cut to find that.  

My advice to anyone who’s genuinely unhappy and possibly bullied at work is to start looking for a new job and quit. I understand that I come from a place of privilege when I say that, but my “privilege” comes from hard work. I worked hard to save up money to escape toxic workplaces, and I worked hard to study and progress my career to make myself employable.

When you’re pushed to tears, afraid to go to work and have to drag yourself out of bed daily, chances are, that job isn’t for you. Bullying isn’t just among teenagers – it’s also common in the workplace as well. It’s harder said than done, but if you plan financially, and really commit to a job search, the results would be worth it. I don’t believe in “sucking it up, you’re an adult now”. Mental and physical happiness at work is essential when work is essentially your second home.