Last weekend, my friend and I talked about relationship problems. It was refreshing to hear a man’s perspective because oftentimes, I usually hear it from the woman’s perspective.

I’m sure you’re all familiar with this scenario. Where two individuals start seeing each other but it’s not been defined and he/she/they is starting to give the other person mixed signals. One person seems to be giving more than the other. One person is starting to get confused and stressed out.

I’ve been on both spectrums of this scenario. I’ve been a victim and I’ve been the one who was “playing” as well. Both are not a fun place to be, especially if you’re the one relentlessly chasing the other person.

From my experiences (and from my friend’s experiences), here are a few signs it’s time to walk away:

Their texts/calls are sporadic.

We work or go to school and have lives of our own but if you start to notice that your “partner”‘s texts are now disappearing and you’re lucky to get even one text throughout the day, there’s an issue. Nobody is that busy to not be able to return a text. Sure, it may take a few hours but at the end of the day, their texts come through and there’s a decent conversation throughout the day. If you know that individual usually has their phone on them and you know what their schedule is like and you don’t hear from them for the entire day… well…

It’s always at midnight.

… and when they do text you back, it’s nearly midnight and all you want to do is go to sleep. And when you do respond to their text, they disappear for another hour or so and get back to you when you’re already asleep.

Cancelled plans.

They seem enthusiastic at first but when the time comes, you receive a text saying “something came up” and they ask to reschedule, only the rescheduling never happens.

Or really late plans.

Or, they sometimes want to hang out only at 10 pm, 11 pm or 12 am. You know what I call that? A booty call.

You’re always the one initiating the conversation/events.

If you look back at your texts and you notice that you’re the one always coming up with something to do or starting the conversation, that is a sign that you’re not on their mind as often anymore.

You know more of their excuses than you know of their week.

I remember one Friday evening, I reflected on the week and realized that I could anticipate which excuse he might use when I suggested hanging out. I remember sending a text and instantly I knew which 3 excuses he would reply with. Also, isn’t it sad that I expected an excuse rather than an enthusiastic yes? It hit me that I knew his excuses more than I knew how his week was going. 

There’s an elephant in the room.

After a while, when you two do meet up, you feel there’s an elephant in the room but none of you want to address it and just live in the moment because after not seeing them for so long, you tell yourself, everything is ok. It’s not. When you’re with someone, it should feel nice, loving, comfortable, etc. There shouldn’t be any lingering doubts in the room or the back of your mind.

Internally, you know what to do.

You feel something about the “relationship” is off. You feel you know what you should do. Your tolerance is up with all their excuses and behaviours, but you don’t want to admit to reality. Your heart is telling you the truth but your mind is trying so hard to fight it off. Both your mind and heart should be on the same page.

You’ve started doubting already.

My manager once told me, if you’re looking for a job already, you want to leave. My friend once told me, that if you doubt it, you don’t want it enough (for shopping but the gist still applies here).

So, if you’ve had doubts for a long time already, you know what you have to do. Yes, it’s natural to doubt your relationship and your partner once in a blue moon, but not to have it linger around you and affect your daily life.

You want more.

You want more than what your partner currently gives you because you’re not getting the love you deserve.

I’ve been on this end before and it sucks. But if you face reality, end it, and move on, it’s sooooo much better. You feel free. You feel refreshed. You feel motivated. You feel like nothing to holding you back. Yes, it’s going to hurt for a while, but it does get easier! And yes, it’s easier said than done, but trust me… you’ll feel so much happier.

No relationships are perfect, but even if you found the “perfect” person, what good does it do if you two aren’t moving forward? If you always have these lingering feelings in the back of your mind? I’d rather spend time with myself and meet someone who can progress with me in the long run than cause me this heartache and confusion.

I told my friend, if Obama has time for Michelle, she can have time for you. The biggest sign for me to stop chasing someone is their sporadic texts. I know because I used to ignore texts or take hours (and days) to get back to someone I’m not particularly fond of.

In the end, if you know that this “relationship” isn’t going anywhere… get back to reality sooner than later. Focus the energy on someone who can progress your career, life and ambitions. You shouldn’t waste your energy and time on someone who doesn’t want your love. There’s someone out there who can give you the world without the confusion and constant chasing.