As I’m entering my 30s in a few months, I’ve come to realize a lot about friendship. Yes, even when you’re 29 years old and “have the world figured out”, friendship is something that is a life journey. As tough as it sounds, it’s difficult to say that your best friends today are going to be with you in 80 years.
To make your life a little better, here are my top 6 “friends” you need to say goodbye to. These “friends” are unhealthy and just baggage.
1. The Freeloader.
If you still have a freeloader in your life, you’re losing out on your hard-earned money! Yes, it’s fine to spot a person when the time calls for it, but if your friend is constantly asking to borrow money, or just ordering a smaller/cheaper dish and taking food off yours, it’s time to cut them out of your life. Hell, they might not even buy anything at all and just eat off your plate or out of your fridge!
Friends are there to lend a helping hand but if you have a friend that just takes, takes, takes, it’s time to say goodbye!
2. The User.
Similar to the Freeloader, the User is ONLY around when they need something. See, the Freeloader sticks around and makes you feel like you guys are good friends even though you’re probably paying their bills too. The User is the type of friend that disappears for a month or so, perhaps even half a year and messages you a quick, “Hey, how you doing? Can I ask you for a favour?”
And you know what, they’re not even genuinely interested in how you’re doing. They just want you to drive them across town, or lend them your camping tent. And when you’re done the favour… you’re left wondering, where the hell have they been for the past few months?!
3. The “Hey, we just broke up…”.
I’m no stranger to this one. This is a friend that disappears when they get a new partner and when they break up, your friend comes running to you like the relationship never happened and pretends to be all buddy, buddy with you again.
When you choose a partner over me in a heartbeat, that shows me my value and worth to you. It shows me that some individual you met for a few days has priority over someone you knew for 8+ years.
Friends help you when you have a breakup, but don’t expect me to be around when you push me aside for a new partner. It makes me feel useless. And you (and I) deserve a friend that wouldn’t push us aside for a new lover.
4. The Debbie Downer / Nancy the Negative.
When I’m with friends, I want to feel happy. Granted, we all have bad days!
But, I want friends that are happy and supportive of my life decisions. I appreciate any advice I receive throughout life but when something is going great in my life, don’t be so negative! It’s natural for us to rant and honestly, studies say complaining and ranting does us good but I don’t want someone that constantly rants over (stupid) things and bring negativity into my life. If I got accepted to a post-secondary institute, don’t tell me “Congrats, but you didn’t get into _______”.
5. The Backstabber.
This is the type of person you should have left back in high school… seriously. The Backstabber is the worst kind. The only good that comes out of a Backstabber is the fact that you’ve discovered their true colours. These friends are the ones that will act all BFF to you for reasons we’re not sure of (perhaps, they want the gossip?) and once something good/bad comes up in your life, your BFF runs off to a different crowd and starts trash-talking you.
And, of course, backstabbing can also be in the form of stealing your partner or feeding you with negativity in hopes of something miserable happening to you. Backstabbers just want the worst for you and would throw you under the bus whenever they can. Did you hear a rumour about you the other day? Chances are, it’s your backstabbing friend that started it.
6. The Frenemy.
I don’t know about you, but I want complete 100% love and support from my friends. I want someone that can support me no matter what and would be happy with my life.
According to Urban Dictionary, a frenemy is a ‘friend disguised as an enemy.’ But wait, wouldn’t that mean she’s a backstabber? Technically, yes, but The Frenemy does more than a backstabber – she will be your friend. Be there to support you when you’re getting over your break up but secretly happy that you and Prince Charming are finally broken up so she could have a chance with him. She would also compete with you in life and always feel the need to one-up you or steal the spotlight.
You don’t need to compete with your friends. Friends should be helping you compete with life.
Here’s s the number one rule about friendship in life: Quality over quantity.
Yes, I would rather have 3 best friends than 20 friends that wouldn’t even ask me what’s going on if I don’t see them for two weeks. Throughout school we were made to feel like we need 100 friends to survive, or, to be “popular” and I think it’s normal. I went through high school thinking I need a bunch of friends but when I graduated, I learned who was there for me and who wasn’t. I learned the quality over quantity rule and honestly, life is so much better without fake friends. I can have a few best friends that I can count on for my life and then I can have several friends that I wouldn’t confide my problems to but they’re great Saturday night buddies.
Have you ever dealt with any ugly friendships?
I think this is so useful as many people seem to hold onto friendships that are just plain toxic; it can feel difficult to walk away at first but in the end the positive difference doing so brings is amazing. Great reminder — thanks!
Good point! It’s definitely easier said than done to walk away from friendships, especially if they’re decades years old but it does bring so much more positivity in the end.
These are exactly the kinds of friends I had to let go of in my adulthood. I can’t say that it’s not lonely, but life is easier without having to deal with friends who only talk to you when they want something from you, or they use you for things. That’s not friendship at all!
Agreed! It’s definitely can get lonely, especially if they’re friends you see consistently but as you mentioned, life is easier without having to deal with toxic friends!