You know how you feel like you’ll never love again when you have your first heartbreak? 

Whilst I am happily married now, I remember my first heartbreak. It was not with my first boyfriend. I remember it took me more than a year to get over him and during that time, I always thought… what if I’d always love him? What if I regret my decisions when I’m 90 years old? What if nobody can compare to him?

(Spoiler alert: I don’t even remember his face anymore, let alone have these thoughts occur!)

After my first heartbreak, I remember feeling so hesitant about seeing someone. The first guy I had a crush on after the heartbreak, I doubted all the subtle signs of liking someone that I had to text my friend if I “caught the feelings” or not. 

My text with my friend inspired me to write this post several years ago. It made me reflect on what it’s like to have a crush again and what it’s like to catch the ‘feelings’.

 1. Your mood skyrockets faster than light whenever they’re around. 

Their presence makes you happy even if it’s a 30-minute lunch period.

 2. You get jealous because they’re technically not yours yet. 

I’m not the jealous type when I’m in a relationship BUT I do get jealous when I can’t have what I want. Because we weren’t dating, I remember getting jealous when other girls would bring up my crush and how they had something in common. Whereas, if were dating, I wouldn’t care if others mentioned him in conversation.

3. You overanalyze everything. 

Everything. The sentence that just came out of their mouth. Their winky face in their text. The moment when they accidentally let ‘babe’ slip from their vocabulary, even though it’s a common thing to say in their culture. How they “accidentally” bump into you. I mean everything.

4. Text messages mean so much more now. 

Your mood can go up or down just by texting them. You love seeing their name pop up on your screen and get bummed out when they don’t text you back.

5. Your day feels a bit off if you don’t talk to them. 

Even if it’s just a text message, it makes your day. But 24 hours without hearing from them makes your days feel crappy.

6. Their decisions affect your mood. 

Are they planning a weekend getaway trip? They decide to get a new job and no longer work with you? While it’s their life, you can’t help but feel a bit unhappy and disappointed with some of their decisions. You know it’s for the best but some of their decisions still make you feel upset or disappointed because changes are happening between you two.

7. When you remember little details about them. 

Like how their favourite colour is blue but they don’t coordinate everything to match blue. Or how some of their favourite artists are Fleetwood Mac and Dan Steely. And how they got that scar on their left arm, just above the elbow.

8. When they’re happy, you’re happy. 

When they’re in pain, you’re concerned. Their emotions are reflected in you.

9. How you want to spend every moment with them. 

I’m not a clingy type but when I have a crush, all I want to do is spend time with them.

10. When you unconsciously bring their name up in every conversation.

… and it’s written all over your face. You don’t want to talk about your crush but you find yourself doing it anyways. Like their name just rolls off your tongue and slips into the conversation and how your expression reflects the way you say their name.

If a lot of these signs resonate with you, chances are, you have feelings for that special someone! Looking back, when I had a crush, their presence and messages affected how I felt and greatly made my day. I didn’t know it then, but now I remember how often I would drop Dan’s name in conversations!